Today was back to school. I mean, back to work. Same concept. “But Mom, I don’t want to go to school!” I got that from a previous coworker of mine; we would always joke about it when we worked Saturdays together at the parts counter. One thing I miss about my old job is the relationships I created. When you spend 8 hours, 6 days a week with people, you become family almost. It’s a shame that the company started to go to shit and stretched everyone thin. I had to get out of there. I had been looking for a new job since November, and I started my new job in April to put that into perspective.
The general manager there, well “previous general manager” now “Director of Service” whatever the fuck that means, was always a creep. If only his wife knew. He kept somehow going up the ladder, while the rest of us stayed drowning in the pool doing all of the legwork for him. Then he would go and hire somebody for a management position, pass up someone qualified who had done everything above and beyond for someone who had ZERO experience, and we would all suffer and have to train them while the department failed. Then they would get fired and the cycle would repeat itself, except this last time he hired in-house. That’s when everything went downhill, and after months of being talked down to, and being talked at, being pulled aside and told I wasn’t doing my job, or I was delegating work when I was simply asking for help because I was drowning. I FUCKING QUIT. I QUIT WITHOUT NOTICE. I was so done with the mental bullshit that place put on me; I was drinking, I was crying in the parking lot, I brought work home every single night and it’s all I talked about. It consumed me. It started to affect my relationship, my home. I wasn’t happy, and every night when I got home… I was miserable and made everyone else miserable without realizing. When I quit, I sent out that last final “for my mental health, I can’t give my all anymore.” I didn’t even get a reply back, nothing. Just silence. After everything I did for those motherfuckers. EVERYTHING. I learned that day, truly what it means when they say “You’re just a number.”
I’m past it now; I was hurt at first. I liked my position there, and starting over is scary for anyone, especially when you have job stability. But when one door closes, another opens. I called that time in my life my “TO WANDA” phase, from “Fried Green Tomatoes,” because I didn’t care; I was going to hurt whoever’s feelings, and I was going to do whatever I needed to do that suited me best. I went on a week-long trip to Tennessee. I quit my job; I started a new job. I needed to take care of me. Learning to let things go is a larger part of sobriety than one could imagine. If you hold on to resentment, anger, or any type of ill feelings, it will bring you down. It will always be an excuse, maybe not today, but an excuse in the pocketbook, a “justification” of why you needed that bottle that day. Let it go. Start to heal your inner self. Meditate. Life is too short to stress about low-paying jobs, perverted bosses, and toxic revolving doors.
Soberly, Yours. 